Something about Nothing...

To be honest I feel my head is completely empty. No good ideas...like somebody blocked the way for thoughts...not just thoughts, because you know...there are always thoughts in our minds. But what kind of thoughts...quality is what matters. Or am I just lazy? Well...after starting the day at 5.30 AM with the morning work out then continuing with the school from 8 - 3.30PM and then busting my a$$ off at the practice...I am just happy to get to my tiny apartment and I don't even mind being lazy...really I don't seem to mind anything at all. It's just sometimes I feel like a squirrel in a run wheel: run run run grind grind grind seconds...minutes...hours...days go by. You can't even tell where the end of one and the beginning of another day is. They blend into one 120 hours long day. Yes, that's right 120h...5x24. Why 5x? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I live from weekend to weekend. The rest of the week I am like a robot...a zombie. Same ishhh different day. Not even different day...I don't remember what I did on Monday or Wednesday, because it's the same anyway. So I have a specific mindset for that 5-days-long day...have my own game face to benefit the most from the situation. Unfortunately that mindset doesn't support my creative thinking in the amount I wish I did.

So...does that squirrel acknowledge why it runs in that wheel? Do I know why I'm doing that all? I do not know about the squirrel but surely know what's the purpose of my running. And as long as I know and understand that I will keep on running in my wheel...moreover I will make sure that the wheel will be oiled enough to keep on whirling...

Call Me Arrogant...I'm Saying What's Real

Sorority...fraternity...something we Europeans do not understand. When I first came here my friend who had been here a bit longer than I gave me some instructions...some suggestions how to be, how to live and survive here...hahaa...not that dramatic though...anyway one of his suggestions was: "Keep away from sorority girls." Well there was another world instead of "girls" referring to a female dog but lets leave it. At that point I did not understand why, because I didn't really know what sorority was. Now I know: it's one of the silliest things one could be involved in. I really do criticize them and I really do look down on them. And I do not care what anybody cares, that's my own opinion. And I don't even know what it would take to change my mind. So, today my negativity towards them got even stronger when I heard that in order to be in a sorority you have to pay for it...and not just a hundred or two...the girl who told me about it didn't even wanna tell me how much that exactly is, because even she admitted that it is ridiculous. I just started laughing. So I asked what's the benefit she gets from paying all that money and being a part of that circus. She said that there is not particular benefit...it's like a tradition in America and others look down on you if you are not in a sorority. She also said she actually does not like being there and she wants to quit but her parents wouldn't let her. Well she definitely got points from me for that...hahaa. None of my close friends is in a sorority or a fraternity...that's because most of them are also foreigners and have the same feelings about all that thing as I do. And those who are locals but not in a frat or sorority are a bit similar to us foreigners. Their mindset is different...I can actually have a deep conversation with them about the things that really matter in life...that are important... I don't wanna stereotype people a'la all sorority girls are dumb b*****s or all fraternity guys are douchebags. Well...that's what I'm actually doing huhh...:) I believe there might be several exceptions...at least I am trying to convince myself that there are some...joking...it's not that bad...it's just...and I'm keeping on repeating that: THE CULTURAL DIFFERENCE...I guess ;)...peace

Are You Religious?

Religion and I...hmmm...that's something hard to explain when people ask me wether I am religious. I always say that US is different compared to Estonia. So, one difference is the attitude toward the religion...in other words how people look at the religion here and there. A year and a half ago when I got here it was something totally new and unfamiliar for me the role the religion plays in peoples' lives. Americans are extremely religious compared to Estonians. My first semester I lived in a dorm and there was a church in front of the house. I was quite confused when I first saw all the cars parked in the parking lot on Sunday morning. I even asked my room mate what is going on. Now I'm used to that difference and I don't even bother myself calling my American friends on Sunday morning because I know I won't reach them. I still feel kinda awkward when the conversation reaches this topic. I'm not saying I am a atheist, because I am not. I do believe...in something superior...but in moderate amount. I do not go to church constantly every week... not even every month. I go there whenever I feel I need to go there. I go there if I am seeking for the peace in my soul. Then I just light a candle, stand there quietly and think my own thoughts and leave... I do not pray every day. And I do not think I'm gonna be punished for not doing all that stuff that many of you people do. For me religion is not about that. I think every person should have a right to decide...nobody should be forced...it should come from the inside. If a person is used to go to church every Sunday and he/she believes it makes him/her a better person then go ahead. In the same time they shouldn't judge those who don't do that so frequently or those who never go to church.

It's just the way we are raised up. Our culture is just different. Estonians are supposed to be Lutherans. That is only as a result of the 13th Century crusades Estonia was conquered by Germans and the Estonians were christened by force. Before that they were pagans and believed in their own gods of nature. Maybe that violent christening was the reason why Estonians became so anti-religious. I don't know. But the fact is they are almost afraid of it. It's rather a shame to be religious and go to church. I remember when I was younger there was a couple of students in my class who were religious. They were bullied by other students because of that. They were outsiders, nobody wanted to be friends with them because they were religious. Crazy huh? Yeah...it's almost like a phobia.

Now...I am in a bit different situation. I was raised by different rules...in a bit different environment. My mom is half Russian. Russians are more religious. They are a bit similar at this point to Americans. So my religion is Russian Orthodox and I was baptized in Orthodox church when I was only a couple months old. However my mother never forced me going to the church or pray or anything. Which I am thankful for to her.

So, every time somebody asks me if I am religious, I look at my crucifix around my neck and say after a short pause: "Umm...yea...I am". Even though sometimes during some weekends I'd rather forget about it...hahahaa. What can I say...I am just a human being.

Don't hate!

Hate - such a strong word. I don't know but for me in order to say that I hate something or somebody I really have to dislike it from the bottom of my heart. It's almost like a curse word. It is weird but it's really hard to say out loud I HATE... . There are simply nothing I dislike that much to say I hate. It makes me flinch every time I hear somebody saying it. I think I am just not used to it. Americans seem to perceive this word differently. Again...cultural difference?? Might be. Back home this word is used really carefully...you won't hear anybody saying: "Ughh...I hate this team!" or " Man, I hate that professor!".

Today I heard somebody saying: "I'm so glad that Cowboys lost...I hate them! I hate Tony Romo!!" And I was like really?? What did they do to you? How can you say you hate somebody if you don't even know him. I just think people should think a bit before they say something...because...you know...words have a great power. Sometimes we don't even realize how strong this power can be...

So...think people...think. That's what the brain is for.

Astrology rulessss...

I've always been interested in astrology. I really do believe in it. I am a Libra and most things said about that sign I find familiar: I recognize myself. Some people say it's a bullshit, but oh well...

Now...daily horoscopes in the newspapers...that's something else. One of my friends is a journalist and working for a newspaper. So I asked how are those things made. Basically the person who's responsible for the entertainment column makes them up. I know some people who take those daily horoscopes really seriously. And it feels like their life is ruled by them. I don't know, it's just not right. That was just a thought of the day...

Cosmopolite?...Yeah, thats me

I can definitely call myself a cosmopolite - a world citizen, a person who has home everywhere and in the same time nowhere, a person who has no nationality. My life can be well described by a verse from Nelly Furtado's song "I'm like a bird" : I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away. I don't know where my soul is , I don't know where my home is...

I was born in the southern part of Russia, by the Black Sea. I think I was a couple months old when we moved to Estonia. The town I was born in remained as a second home for me since I spent there every summer. When I was 15, we moved again. Not to another country though. Just to a bigger city. It didn't take much time to get used to a new place. My mom is half Ukrainian half Russian, my dad is half Georgian half Estonian. I do not know who I am. My passport says Estonian. I grew up as a bilingual. I learned to transform myself every day: half of the day I spent as an Estonian, as Viktoria (because that's how all Estonians called me). I went to Estonian school, hung out with Estonian friends, went to practice - lets say lived according to Estonian cultural and societal rules and norms. That sometimes meant denying and hiding my other life and identity, my life as Vika (because that's a Russian short version of Viktoria, and nobody called me by my full name). Why hiding? Because of all that history and politics Estonians hate Russians. And I didn't want to be bullied because of that...kids are mean you know. I was Vika the other half of the day when I got back home from school and practice. My family follows rather Russian traditions. I speak Russian to my parents. So, I really don't know what to say when people ask what nationality I am. I just wanna be a me.

Since I have been doing track and field for a long time it gave me an opportunity to travel around the world a lot: a month long training camps, competitions. My home was where my luggage was. Never felt home sick. After graduating from high school I came to America and guess what...I learned to love this country. Right now I feel my home is here. I do not have anybody here, all my family is back in Estonia, but I do not feel home sick. It doesn't matter where I go: back to Estonia, back to the town I was born in or the little town where I spent my first 15 years - I feel home everywhere. The world is my home.

Narcissism...or just a cultural difference???

Okay what is it all about...people taking pictures of themselves in the mirror...bathroom mirror and posting them on facebook?? It realllyyy annoys me. Maybe it shouldn't be my concern...you know...democracy, freedom or whatever. But I'm just expressing my opinion. It's just funny and stupid how some people have like hundreds pictures of themselves in the bathroom...all kind of poses, face expressions, before going out, before going to bed, clothes on and not...so on...if you know what I mean. Sometimes I look at them and think what's the purpose, what are they trying to achieve. Or how much must they love themselves. I see here an excessive symptom of self admiration. I am not saying it is right or wrong. It's just odd...
The other thing what I am relating it to is culture, society. My observation is based on facebook. I compare the pictures of the people on my friends' list who live back home in Estonia and the pictures of those who live here in the States. And there is such a huge difference!!! Among my Estonian friends there were no pictures that would be taken by themselves in the mirror a'la "don't I look cute". On the other hand Americans on my list...

Here it seems to be fine. But listen IT IS NOT COOL! IT IS LAME!
P.S. those pictures here are just examples. Those people are not on my facebook friends' list :)

That just pisses me offfff...!!!

Okay...here is one thing that makes me really mad: the situations when it seems that teachers think that their class is the only class students have. I understand they have a certain program, a system they have to follow. But still this system is usually not student friendly. I wish they were more flexible...I wish somebody came up with a better system...better organization of academics. No, I do not know how to do it and this post is totally based on my momentary emotions, but I'm sure I am not the only one who has had those thoughts... grrrrrrrrr

Mere exposure effect on my taste of music

The other day I read from one of my readings for the class about the mere exposure effect, how people tend to like what they are familiar with and dislike or are afraid of what is new for them and the more they are exposed to new the more comfortable they become with it and the more they start to like it. So, reading this made me think of an example in my own life.
The development of my own music taste and preferences through the time is definitely something to do with particular phenomenon. Mere exposure effect depends on our environment: our friends, family, culture.
Early teens: I remember being a radio music fan. That means just regular pop-music. There was always radio palyin at my house. Besides it was the era of Spice Girls obsession. Probably everyone is familiar with that. So, everybody was listening to them, girls wanted to be like them. Yes, I loved them too :)

Then mid teens: the transformation from pop into punk. At that point I would have never expect me start listening to punk music. My best friend's boyfriend payed in the punk band. So, she listened to punk music. At the beginning I couldn't understand why she likes it. Did not like it at all. But then the more I hung out with her the more I got into it too. Eventually it was the only kind of music I was listening to. I still have some "leftovers" from that period of life in my computer...Blink182, Sum41, Good Charlotte...

Well...that did not last long. After the elementary school I moved and went to high school in another city. I went to a boarding school for athletes, so we had to live in a dorm. My roommate was a total drumm and base fan. She could listen to it 24/7. It drove me crazy in the beginning. I didn't see the music in it. But then again...I learned to listen to it. It didn't take much time for me to become a total D&B freak! The music was playing even during the night when I was sleeping...Aphrodite, Ill Skillz, Future Prophecies, Roni Size would be the keywords.

Late teens, after graduating became an era of jazz, oldies, ambient, chillout music. I am not sure how I got into that. Maybe it was my team mate who I started hanging out with and who kinda exposed me to a new genre. He was 9 years older than me, but we became good friends. He listened a lot to ambient and chillout music. So, I probably explored the charm of it through him. Ambient led me to another style: nature sounds, meditation music. Nina Simone, Amos Milburn, Cafe del Mar, Lamb, Air, Koop, Jose Padilla...

Then I came to America...
Exposed to a lot of black music I started loving it. It is everywhere: radio, people. Back home hip hop, rap, r&b are not popular at all. Not sayin nobody listenes to them, but it's just not common as it is here. So, now that's the only music I'm listening to. And to be honest I cannot stand any other styles. Except ambient and chillout...I can still tolerate these. So...Lil Wayne, Ciara, Nelly, Nicky Minaj, Jamie Foxx, T-Pain, Roscoe Dash....yaiiii!

Funny that I have something left from every stage of my music life in my computer. I shuffle through my music folders and think about the times...it brings out some memories, makes me sentimental sometimes. My computer is like a chronicle of my life kinda...
It would be interesting to get to know how this development will go on...what kind of music I will be listening to in 5, 10, 15 years...

Kushhhh....

No guys, it's not what you think or what you'd like to think. I am talking about Vladimir Kush - my favourite artist. He is an Russian artist who is described as an artist specialising in the use of metaphor as his creative method in the art of painting. He calls his style Metaphorical Realism. We could compare his style to Salvador Dali's creations. I think his work is amazing: the colors, the idea, the hidden meaning...everything.
Take a closer look
RED PURSE

WALLNUT OF EDENAY

FAUNA IN LA MANCHE

ABOVE THE SEA LEVEL

LIFE'S A DREAM

 Not bad huhhh?

Have you ever heard about Kleenex...???!!!

The fall - yes, it's this time of the year: sudden temperature fluctuations, rain, storm and FLU. That means a lot of sick students who despite the flu still come to class. And that's what drives me crazy!! Imagine the situation: you sit in the class, trying to concentrate on the lecture or a test and somebody constantly sniffles. It's just the worst!! Get that damn kleenex boy!!! Every time it happens I so wanna go to this person and hand him or her a kleenex. I don't know is that a difference in the culture, but it seems that others do not care. And what's more the "sniffler" doesn't care either. I would be embarrased, feel bad if I was them. Back home it's socially not acceptable. And you rarely face this kind of situation. It's a basic knowledge of behavior for us that is tought by our parents.

Avocados - my obsession

Yes, I don't spend the day without having at least one avocado. It's like my drug...if I haven't eaten one by the evening all my thoughts start to spin around it: I imagine its thick creamy taste, rich soft texture and the warm feeling I get from eating it. Like a fixed idea...weird huh? I can eat it different ways: in salads, as a guacamole, in wraps or just by itself without anything. But...there is a best way to eat it I discovered: in a fruit salad. Simply cutting all possible kind of fruit including plenty of avocado, adding nuts and honey or plain yogurt. I also found out that it can be perfect substitute to yogurt in smoothies. I usually added yogurt to make my fruit smoothies creamier. Actually adding avocado instead of yogurt had the same effect. Additionally to a great taste it is really healthy.

Avocados are high in valuable fats and appear to have a beneficial effect on blood serum levels. For a typical avocado:

• About 75% of an avocado's calories come from fat, most of which is monounsaturated fat.
• Avocados also have 60% more potassium than bananas. They are rich in B vitamins, as well as vitamin E and vitamin K.
• Avocados have a high fiber content among fruits - including 75% insoluble and 25% soluble fiber.
• A fatty triol (fatty alcohol) with one double bond, avocadene (16-heptadecene-1,2,4-triol), is found in avocado.

High avocado intake has been shown to have a beneficial effect on blood serum cholesterol levels. Specifically, after a seven-day diet rich in avocados, hypercholesterolemia patients showed a 17% decrease in total serum cholesterol levels.
What's more: The Aztecs called the avocado tree ahuacatl or "testicle tree." While avocados can indeed look like that body part, they contain high levels of folic acid, which helps metabolize proteins, thus giving you more energy.  Vitamin B6 (a nutrient that increases male hormone production) and potassium (which helps regulate a woman's thyroid gland), those two elements help increase libido in both men and women.
So benefit and pleasure all in one :)

Money money money, always sunny in a rich man's world...

In other words does money equal happiness. I would say yes and no. No, it does not equal happiness. In my opinion a human nature can never be satisfied. There is always something that darkens our full wellbeing. The difference is how each of us perceives it. People are different you know. Now lets leave all that crap of a rational, moral and so said "right" human being. It's all a fairytale. Once is clear...the more we have the more we want. So, does not matter how much money we have...it's always either not enough or there are other factors that keep us away from reaching the ultimate happiness we all strive for.

I have a family friend who we have known for many years. Lets say he's the kind of person who goes for shopping and never looks at the price tags. Money has never been a problem for him. Then one day he gets to know that his wife has a stage three cancer. He took her to the best doctors, got her the newest medicine and treatment...did everything possible and impossible. She died. Money couldn't save a life. If it can't save a life, how can it make somebody happy?

There was a study made about if money can buy a happiness. People's emotional well-being - happiness - increases along with their income up to about $75,000, researchers report in edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. For folks making less than that, said Angus Deaton, an economist at the Center for Health and Wellbeing at Princeton University, "Stuff is so in your face it's hard to be happy. It interferes with your enjoyment." Happiness got better as income rose but the effect leveled out at $75,000, Deaton said. On the other hand, their overall sense of success or well-being continued to rise as their earnings grew beyond that point. "Giving people more income beyond 75K is not going to do much for their daily mood ... but it is going to make them feel they have a better life," Deaton said in an interview. Not surprisingly, someone who moves from a $100,000-a-year job to one paying $200,000 realizes an improved sense of success. That doesn't necessarily mean they are happier day to day.

Now...probably we've all heard the phrase: "Money doesn't matter to you because you have it". Well...of course...food doesn't matter to us either when we are not hungry. We tend to take things we have for granted and realize the real need for them when we don't have or lose them. What I think...money is not a sole indicator of happiness, it's rather a tool to help us to get closer to it.

Lets call it...SPEX...

Spex...you are wondering what it is, aren't you...well...it's a term I made up by mixing two words : SPORT and SEX. What's about them? Well...they have several things in common. I'm not gonna discuss all of them. Just the one that might be interesting for athletes. Here we go...Sex Before Athletic Competition - Fact or Myth. As an athlete I have been wondering about it, so I did a little research on the topic. Here is what I found.

Athletes have long perpetuated the theory that sex before competition zaps energy. Muhammad Ali, for one, reportedly wouldn't make love for six weeks before a fight. Does sex have any affect on athletic performance? Absolutely not, says Dr. Tommy Boone, a professor of Exercise Psychology at The College of St. Scholastica. Back in 1995, Boone commissioned a study to prove just that. He ran two series of tests on 11 males after maximum physical exertion on a treadmill. One day the subjects had intercourse 12 hours before the test. Another day they didn't. And the results were nearly identical. However there are scientists who would argue that and say there is no physiological evidence to suggest that sex before competition is bad. In fact, some studies suggest that pre-sports sex may actually aid athletes by raising their testosterone levels, for example. After three months without sex, which is not so uncommon for some athletes, testosterone dramatically drops to levels close to children's levels. Having sex increases testosterone levels, which causes an increase in strength, aggression and competitiveness," the Times reported the document as saying. "Conversely, not having sex for a few months causes a significant drop." Perhaps this helps explain the beliefs of Washington Capitols star Alexander Ovechkin, who said: "Sex really does help. Before and after." Or former Brazilian soccer star Romario, once a roommate of Dunga's, who told Brazil's Trip magazine, "When I do it before a game, I feel different. I feel lighter, my legs are more nimble. If I don't have sex on the day before a game, something will be missing."

What's more interesting sexual activity could actually help combat muscle pain or other sports injuries in women, according to Barry Komisaruk, a psychology professor at Rutgers University in Newark, New Jersey. His studies have found that sexual stimulation in women produces a powerful pain-blocking effect. The effect, he says, can last for up to a day in the case of chronic pain such as muscle pain.

Here is what captured my attention as a high jumper, here comes my favorite part: There may be some difference here between the sexes. Israeli scientist Alexander Olshanietzky has said that women compete better after orgasm, especially high jumpers and runners. :))

Now...adding my own thoughts...according to my own experience I can not really pick a side. To be honest no bad or particular good effects on my athletic performance were noticed. Or maybe I just haven't really concentrated on that issue in detail. However my own athletic doctor suggests athletes to have a regular moderate sexual activity. Apparently it helps to keep the good healthy level of hormones that is so crucial for athletes and their performance.