Are You Religious?

Religion and I...hmmm...that's something hard to explain when people ask me wether I am religious. I always say that US is different compared to Estonia. So, one difference is the attitude toward the religion...in other words how people look at the religion here and there. A year and a half ago when I got here it was something totally new and unfamiliar for me the role the religion plays in peoples' lives. Americans are extremely religious compared to Estonians. My first semester I lived in a dorm and there was a church in front of the house. I was quite confused when I first saw all the cars parked in the parking lot on Sunday morning. I even asked my room mate what is going on. Now I'm used to that difference and I don't even bother myself calling my American friends on Sunday morning because I know I won't reach them. I still feel kinda awkward when the conversation reaches this topic. I'm not saying I am a atheist, because I am not. I do believe...in something superior...but in moderate amount. I do not go to church constantly every week... not even every month. I go there whenever I feel I need to go there. I go there if I am seeking for the peace in my soul. Then I just light a candle, stand there quietly and think my own thoughts and leave... I do not pray every day. And I do not think I'm gonna be punished for not doing all that stuff that many of you people do. For me religion is not about that. I think every person should have a right to decide...nobody should be forced...it should come from the inside. If a person is used to go to church every Sunday and he/she believes it makes him/her a better person then go ahead. In the same time they shouldn't judge those who don't do that so frequently or those who never go to church.

It's just the way we are raised up. Our culture is just different. Estonians are supposed to be Lutherans. That is only as a result of the 13th Century crusades Estonia was conquered by Germans and the Estonians were christened by force. Before that they were pagans and believed in their own gods of nature. Maybe that violent christening was the reason why Estonians became so anti-religious. I don't know. But the fact is they are almost afraid of it. It's rather a shame to be religious and go to church. I remember when I was younger there was a couple of students in my class who were religious. They were bullied by other students because of that. They were outsiders, nobody wanted to be friends with them because they were religious. Crazy huh? Yeah...it's almost like a phobia.

Now...I am in a bit different situation. I was raised by different rules...in a bit different environment. My mom is half Russian. Russians are more religious. They are a bit similar at this point to Americans. So my religion is Russian Orthodox and I was baptized in Orthodox church when I was only a couple months old. However my mother never forced me going to the church or pray or anything. Which I am thankful for to her.

So, every time somebody asks me if I am religious, I look at my crucifix around my neck and say after a short pause: "Umm...yea...I am". Even though sometimes during some weekends I'd rather forget about it...hahahaa. What can I say...I am just a human being.